As a world citizen, I wish I could take the best of the US, France, and Germany and create my ideal culture.
A few months after I moved to the United States, somebody asked me if I felt more French or more German. That’s a great question, really. Five years later, I’m still thinking about it, and it’s probably why I’ve repositioned my work from marketing to intercultural training and consulting.
I was born and raised in France. My cultural references as a small child to a college student were exclusively French.
After graduating from college, I found a job in Germany and stayed there for over 20 years. I worked for a French multinational corporation, for a medium-sized German company, and then for a large Dutch financial provider. Most of the time, I had German bosses, even at the French and Dutch firms. In 2008, I decided to run my own business and quit my job. My working style is 99% German, but I incorporate a French touch through my ability to improvise.
My husband is a French guy who I met in Germany. His story is quite similar to mine: moving in his early 20s from France to Germany and working in a German environment for 20 years. When we’re together, we speak French. With our children, we’ll speak French, German, and English, depending on the situation and on the child.
Language is not the only thing that defines me
But, language is not the only thing that defines us. When I look at our children, I can see how different they are because of their personal histories.
My stepchildren’s mom was from South America; they were respectively 6 and 8 when they moved for the first time to live with us in Germany. When we relocated to the US, they stayed in Germany with their mom. They have a free spirit, seeing rules as things to be broken more often than followed.
My oldest daughter left Germany when she was 13 and graduated from the German School in DC last year. She is the German one at home. She is organized and systematic, loves rules, and is on her way to becoming a control freak.
Even though my youngest children were born in Germany, they were very young (2 and 4) when we moved away. They’ve gone to American schools and American summer camps, have American friends, and day after day they pledge allegiance to the American flag. They are the most American individuals in our family.
My life as a girl, woman, wife, mom, and step-mom in a blended family has shaped my character in more ways than I realize. There is no simple answer to the question of whether I’m more French or more German.
How well do I fit French stereotypes?
What comes to your mind when you think of a French woman?
No, I don’t wear a beret, and I don’t like accordion music. But, yes, I shave body parts that need to be shaved, and I love frog legs!
To check how much of me is French, I decided to go through this list from Insider about common stereotypes of French women and see how much of the list applies to me:
– French women are rude: Nope, I’m a very nice and friendly person. If you smile at me, I will smile back. If you talk to me, I will answer.
– French women are always stylish: Hmm… I’m not stylish at all. I have attractive business dresses, boring suits and white shirts, and very casual clothing. Nothing in between, which is often a problem when I need to find something pretty without being overdressed. On the other hand, purses are my weakness. I have enough of them (according to my family) but can’t resist a new Kate Spade bag.
– French women wear ballet flats or high heels: Yep, there is some truth here, as long as high heels don’t mean stilettos.
– French women are not career-focused and prefer to be stay-at-home moms: No way! I love my kids, and I would be very unhappy if I were not a mom, but I’m a terrible person if I don’t work. Just ask my family!
– French women are obsessed with beauty: Not me, sorry. I wear minimal or no makeup at all, and I’m fine with it.
– French women don’t work out: Does swimming twice a week count as working out?
– French women don’t get fat: Sorry guys, not true for me :'(
– French women don’t diet: Well, from time to time, I go back to eating habits that are very successful for me. Eating carbs and proteins separately is a diet, isn’t it?
According to this list, I’m not very French.
How well do I fit German stereotypes?
Now, what comes to your mind when you think of German people?
Practical, organized, punctual, and accurate are adjectives you probably associate with Germans. Wikipedia has even an article about “German stereotypes” that I went through to see how German I am.
– Germans can’t make small talk: That doesn’t apply to me. I can “small talk” in German, in French, and in English. However, I understand where this stereotype comes from. (In fact, I’ve explained how to handle small talk in Germany in another post, “Small Talk with Germans.”)
– All Germans are Nazis: Really? Guys, we’re in 2018! Again, no, I’m not a Nazi, and I don’t support any right-wing ideology. Full stop.
– Germans don’t have a sense of humor: Nope, I’m a funny person, even at work. (Check out my post about German humor!)
– Germans are extremely punctual: Yes, I’m always on time, and I hate when my husband or the children are not ready, making us arriving late.
– Germans have a strong sense of order: I’m certainly well-organized, but my desk is a mess, and my house is not fastidiously tidy. I’d say it’s a draw.
– German women are cold and unromantic: No way! I’m too French for that.
– Germans and kitsch (tackiness or cheesiness): The idea of kitsch comes from Germany, and the word is German. But, there is nothing cheesy about my home and no garden gnomes in our yard.
Well, it looks like that I’m not very German either.
How much of me is French? How much is German?
I work and plan like a German but cook and love like a French woman. I miss German cars, German bread, and well-insulated houses. I also miss French grocery stores, farmers’ markets, and stylish clothing (even if I’m not stylish myself).
Honestly, I can’t tell you whether I’m more German or French. Spending five years in the United States has also changed my perception of myself, but I can’t pinpoint every way.
As a reader of my blog commented a few days ago, “If only we could take what we feel are the good aspects of every country and create one ideal one.“
So true.
